my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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