Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
