i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
