I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
