R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
