man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
