I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
