i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
