I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
