I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
