I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
