party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
