Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
