what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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