when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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