Cold hands, warm shart.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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