guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
