You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
