i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
