So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Shame is for Republicans.
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