We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
