you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
