when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
God I need to hump something, right now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
