We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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