filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
