Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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