yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
