her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
