community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
