My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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