I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
