piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
