bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
