Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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