Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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