Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
