Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize