Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
