No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
