Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
