No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
