The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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