I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
