I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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