Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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