we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We need to rekindle our bromance
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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