How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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