Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
