I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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