My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
