So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
