Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
