I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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