Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
