in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
