Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
