You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize