Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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