He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
