if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
