i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
