Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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