Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
